Strategies for Managing Anger
When you are faced with a situation that evokes an angry feeling, note what "triggers" the angry feeling-- is it an interaction with another person, frustration that a task is too difficult for you, or something else? Triggers can be tasks or situations or behaviors. You might say "that person really makes me angry" when what you really mean is "when that person (cuts me off in traffic, is late, interrupts me, insert behavior here, etc.) I feel angry." When describing a trigger, be as specific as possible. Next, we usually have a thought about the trigger-- has this happened before? Was my experience then positive or negative? The thought may be a place where we can check our level of frustration, or it may be a split-second consideration of the trigger. If you have time in the situation, take a moment to assess the trigger. You may count to ten or simply take three deep breaths as you think. Find out how aromatherapy can aid in calming your nerves. Your body may give you signals that you are feeling angry. Pay attention to these "cues." Maybe your heart rate increases or your breathing gets more shallow or your face gets red. You may feel your hands get sweaty or tingly. Some people cry or laugh out loud when they feel increased levels of stress or frustration. Your hands may clench or your stomach may feel upset. Whatever the case may be, notice these changes-- your body is alerting you that the "temperature" is going up on the state of your anger and you may soon be reaching a boiling point. Remember that it is much easier to manage your anger when you are in control of it. What's Under Anger
When you honestly evaluate the triggers and cues of your anger, you may find that there is sometimes an underlying emotion that you are feeling.
Some common feelings under anger are: hurt, pain, embarrassment, fear, pride, shame, guilt, or sadness. For some reason in the United States culture it is much more acceptable to show your out of control anger in public than it is to express these other emotions. We see lots of examples of people not managing anger well when we have incidents of road rage, school shootings, vengeful homicides-- even simple acts of rude behavior between friends or strangers. In our family, however, we support one another to acknowledge these other feelings and to share them openly while still treating one another with courtesy, respect and dignity. This fosters a sense of vulnerability and empathy in how we can relate with others. Managing anger may lead you to be truly blessed in a relationship You may choose more productive ways of managing your anger. Try these best practices-- they may seem simple and juvenile, but they really work at diffusing tense situations.
Some simple ideas for managing anger are:
Managing anger begins with your awareness of your own feelings and emotions-- how the brain is wired to respond to stress, how the body reacts, and how your heart handles the choice to care for your relationships.
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