Managing Anger

Managing anger is key to balancing your emotions. As stress builds up in your life and the demands of job and family weigh heavily on your shoulders, you may start to lose control. By knowing a little more about anger and increasing your awareness of your feelings, it is possible to make healthy choices about your own anger.

First, consider your own anger. How do you typically deal with anger? What are your own attitudes about anger? How do you focus in times of crisis? Second, consider how you observe others dealing with anger. What do you like or dislike? What coping strategies in times of crisis are acceptable to you?

Anger management training can be less about counseling your way through the anger and more about learning new skills and tools to understand, assess, and control the destructiveness of anger. If you feel confused or irrational and/ or experience feelings of rage, you may want to contact a mental health professional to assist you.

Try the "Feelings Kit" from Young Living Essential Oils for Managing Anger

Basics of the Brain

When you understand how you are hardwired to feel emotions, you may have a better chance of managing anger. The "triune brain" is a model used to understand basic brain structure and function. In this model, the brain is viewed as consisting of three separate but interconnected parts. The oldest part is the brain stem or reptilian brain, so-called because it processes our most basic survival instincts. A common neurologists' joke defines these as the "four F's" of reptile brain behavior - feeding, fighting, fleeing and reproduction. The reptile brain is entirely "me" centered.

Next on the evolutionary scale is the limbic system or mammal brain. More advanced on the evolutionary scale than the brain stem, the limbic system is capable of emotions and enables us to function within social hierarchies. Unlike the reptile brain, the mammal brain is capable of considering the needs of others.

Your olfactory, or sense of smell, is the only sense directly linked to this part of the brain. This is why certain scents evoke special feelings or memories, and why aromatherapy is so powerful.

The largest portion of the brain, the primate brain, encases both the reptile and mammalian brains and enables us to perform sophisticated mental tasks like speech and maths. The whole front portion of the primate brain is the frontal lobes. Place your hand across your forehead and you're grasping your frontal lobes.

The frontal lobes house the neocortex, the highly specialized part of the brain that separates humans from other creatures, giving us the ability to rationalize and make decisions.

You can choose how to respond to a situation, even if you feel angry, because you have these innate abilities. Managing anger may be easier when you realize this.

States of Anger

It is similar to watching matter change into different states. At first, your anger may just be in a frozen state-- hard, unchanging, solid. But as pressure is applied, the anger may start to thaw, inducing a more liquid state. Then as the temperature rises-- or your anxiety increases-- you may start to simmer. At this early boiling point, you have the best chance of making a difference in managing your anger-- you can reduce the temperature by walking away from the situation or removing the offending stressor.

Once you start to boil over-- or rage, using hurtful words or violent actions-- it is difficult for you to contain your anger any longer. At this point, you are out of control and are no longer capable of managing your anger. It is key to observe your progress through these various stages, balance the little frustrations and control the anger along the way so that you do not "lose it" at the boiling stage.

It may be helpful to think of managing anger as on a scale as shown below.

What else should you consider when managing anger?